Dudley's dungeon -- Monday, 7 April, 2008

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Average rating: Good
Number of ratings: 12

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Wellan	April 7, 2008 00:34
First comment: 27 November, 2007	247 comments written
Not really funny, but very true...
Nameless	April 7, 2008 02:17
First comment: 29 December, 2004	281 comments written
Actually, I'd call it not not really true, but funny.
gneek	April 7, 2008 04:36
First comment: 18 January, 2008	159 comments written
@ "NetHack is like rockBilbo saw that the moment had come when he must do something. He could not get up at the brutes and he had nothing to shoot with; but looking about he saw that in this place there were many stones lying in what appeared to be a now dry little watercourse. Bilbo was a pretty fair shot with a stone, and it did not take him long to find a nice smooth egg-shaped one that fitted his hand cosily. As a boy he used to practise throwing stones at things, until rabbits and squirrels, and even birds, got out of his way as quick as lightning if they saw him stoop; and even grownup he had still spent a deal of his time at quoits, dart-throwing, shooting at the wand, bowls, ninepins and other quiet games of the aiming and throwing sort - indeed he could do lots of things, besides blowing smoke-rings, asking riddles and cooking, that I haven't time to tell you about. There is no time now. While he was picking up stones, the spider had reached Bombur, and soon he would have been dead. At that moment Bilbo threw. The stone struck the spider plunk on the head, and it dropped senseless off the tree, flop to the ground, with all its legs curled up. [ The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.-paper-scissors" Dogley is hit by a rockBilbo saw that the moment had come when he must do something. He could not get up at the brutes and he had nothing to shoot with; but looking about he saw that in this place there were many stones lying in what appeared to be a now dry little watercourse. Bilbo was a pretty fair shot with a stone, and it did not take him long to find a nice smooth egg-shaped one that fitted his hand cosily. As a boy he used to practise throwing stones at things, until rabbits and squirrels, and even birds, got out of his way as quick as lightning if they saw him stoop; and even grownup he had still spent a deal of his time at quoits, dart-throwing, shooting at the wand, bowls, ninepins and other quiet games of the aiming and throwing sort - indeed he could do lots of things, besides blowing smoke-rings, asking riddles and cooking, that I haven't time to tell you about. There is no time now. While he was picking up stones, the spider had reached Bombur, and soon he would have been dead. At that moment Bilbo threw. The stone struck the spider plunk on the head, and it dropped senseless off the tree, flop to the ground, with all its legs curled up. [ The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.! Dogley is killed! The paper golem"The original story harks back, so they say, to the sixteenth century. Using long-lost formulas from the Kabbala, a rabbi is said to have made an artificial man -- the so-called Golem -- to help ring the bells in the Synagogue and for all kinds of other menial work. "But he hadn't made a full man, and it was animated by some sort of vegetable half-life. What life it had, too, so the story runs, was only derived from the magic charm placed behind its teeth each day, that drew down to itself what was known as the `free sidereal strength of the universe.' "One evening, before evening prayers, the rabbi forgot to take the charm out of the Golem's mouth, and it fell into a frenzy. It raged through the dark streets, smashing everything in its path, until the rabbi caught up with it, removed the charm, and destroyed it. Then the Golem collapsed, lifeless. All that was left of it was a small clay image, which you can still see in the Old Synagogue." ... [ The Golem, by Gustav Meyrink ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. hits! * You die...
Dav	April 7, 2008 06:01
First comment: 26 June, 2004	147 comments written
You step onto a polymorph trap. You feel a change coming over you. You turn into a paper golem"The original story harks back, so they say, to the sixteenth century. Using long-lost formulas from the Kabbala, a rabbi is said to have made an artificial man -- the so-called Golem -- to help ring the bells in the Synagogue and for all kinds of other menial work. "But he hadn't made a full man, and it was animated by some sort of vegetable half-life. What life it had, too, so the story runs, was only derived from the magic charm placed behind its teeth each day, that drew down to itself what was known as the `free sidereal strength of the universe.' "One evening, before evening prayers, the rabbi forgot to take the charm out of the Golem's mouth, and it fell into a frenzy. It raged through the dark streets, smashing everything in its path, until the rabbi caught up with it, removed the charm, and destroyed it. Then the Golem collapsed, lifeless. All that was left of it was a small clay image, which you can still see in the Old Synagogue." ... [ The Golem, by Gustav Meyrink ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.! The vampire lordThe Oxford English Dictionary is quite unequivocal: _vampire_ - "a preternatural being of a malignant nature (in the original and usual form of the belief, a reanimated corpse), supposed to seek nourishment, or do harm, by sucking the blood of sleeping persons. ..." Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. hits!
Quint Sakugarne	April 7, 2008 10:44
First comment: 1 January, 2008	233 comments written
Nice use of vampire lordThe Oxford English Dictionary is quite unequivocal: _vampire_ - "a preternatural being of a malignant nature (in the original and usual form of the belief, a reanimated corpse), supposed to seek nourishment, or do harm, by sucking the blood of sleeping persons. ..." Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. there. Both glyph and fangs shape.
SQLGuru	April 7, 2008 14:01
First comment: 23 October, 2006	77 comments written
But bomb beats everything???? You step on a landmine..... Would you like your possessions identified?
Slowpoke	April 7, 2008 18:06
First comment: 27 February, 2007	239 comments written
Rated E for the footnote about scissors. It's not always wise to save the real punchline for a footnote, but it works for me here.
T-Jack	April 7, 2008 18:45
First comment: 16 March, 2008	52 comments written
Well, I didn't think of the footnote as a punchline, but if you like it... But I'm glad you folks like my work.
Slowpoke	April 7, 2008 22:54
First comment: 27 February, 2007	239 comments written
When I tried to play my shoehorn, all I got was some footnotes. <bada-bing>
MadDawg2552	October 9, 2008 20:09
First comment: 6 October, 2008	69 comments written
I don't get these monster jokes. I see some kind of lichBut on its heels ere the sunset faded, there came a second apparition, striding with incredible strides and halting when it loomed almost upon me in the red twilight-the monstrous mummy of some ancient king still crowned with untarnished gold but turning to my gaze a visage that more than time or the worm had wasted. Broken swathings flapped about the skeleton legs, and above the crown that was set with sapphires and orange rubies, a black something swayed and nodded horribly; but, for an instant, I did not dream what it was. Then, in its middle, two oblique and scarlet eyes opened and glowed like hellish coals, and two ophidian fangs glittered in an ape-like mouth. A squat, furless, shapeless head on a neck of disproportionate extent leaned unspeakably down and whispered in the mummy's ear. Then, with one stride, the titanic lich took half the distance between us, and from out the folds of the tattered sere-cloth a gaunt arm arose, and fleshless, taloned fingers laden with glowering gems, reached out and fumbled for my throat . . . [ The Abominations of Yondo, Clark Ashton Smith, 1926 ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details., a type of giantGiants have always walked the earth, though they are rare in these times. They range in size from little over nine feet to a towering twenty feet or more. The larger ones use huge boulders as weapons, hurling them over large distances. All types of giants share a love for men - roasted, boiled, or fried. Their table manners are legendary. Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details., a demonIt is often very hard to discover what any given Demon looks like, apart from a general impression of large size, huge fangs, staring eyes, many limbs, and an odd color; but all accounts agree that Demons are very powerful, very Magic (in a nonhuman manner), and made of some substance that can squeeze through a keyhole yet not be pierced with a Sword. This makes them difficult to deal with, even on the rare occasions when they are friendly. [ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. of some sort, and a ghostAnd now the souls of the dead who had gone below came swarming up from Erebus -- fresh brides, unmarried youths, old men with life's long suffering behind them, tender young girls still nursing this first anguish in their hearts, and a great throng of warriors killed in battle, their spear-wounds gaping yet and all their armour stained with blood. From this multitude of souls, as they fluttered to and fro by the trench, there came a moaning that was horrible to hear. Panic drained the blood from my cheeks. [ The Odyssey, (chapter Lambda), by Homer ] Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.. This is hardly a deadly situation for Dudley. All he has to do is displace his dogA domestic animal, the _tame dog_ (_Canis familiaris_), of which numerous breeds exist. The male is called a dog, while the female is called a bitch. Because of its known loyalty to man and gentleness with children, it is the world's most popular domestic animal. It can easily be trained to perform various tasks. Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. and run for the stairs.

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