Dudley's dungeon

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Monday, 22 December, 2008 by randomcactus
                    
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You unleash a waterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
demonIt is often very hard to discover what any given Demon looks
like, apart from a general impression of large size, huge
fangs, staring eyes, many limbs, and an odd color; but all
accounts agree that Demons are very powerful, very Magic (in
a nonhuman manner), and made of some substance that can squeeze
through a keyhole yet not be pierced with a Sword. This makes
them difficult to deal with, even on the rare occasions when
they are friendly.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
!
The waterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
demonIt is often very hard to discover what any given Demon looks
like, apart from a general impression of large size, huge
fangs, staring eyes, many limbs, and an odd color; but all
accounts agree that Demons are very powerful, very Magic (in
a nonhuman manner), and made of some substance that can squeeze
through a keyhole yet not be pierced with a Sword. This makes
them difficult to deal with, even on the rare occasions when
they are friendly.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
hits!
@ "Okay, I'm running."
                    
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The waterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
demonIt is often very hard to discover what any given Demon looks
like, apart from a general impression of large size, huge
fangs, staring eyes, many limbs, and an odd color; but all
accounts agree that Demons are very powerful, very Magic (in
a nonhuman manner), and made of some substance that can squeeze
through a keyhole yet not be pierced with a Sword. This makes
them difficult to deal with, even on the rare occasions when
they are friendly.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
hits! The waterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
demonIt is often very hard to discover what any given Demon looks
like, apart from a general impression of large size, huge
fangs, staring eyes, many limbs, and an odd color; but all
accounts agree that Demons are very powerful, very Magic (in
a nonhuman manner), and made of some substance that can squeeze
through a keyhole yet not be pierced with a Sword. This makes
them difficult to deal with, even on the rare occasions when
they are friendly.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
hits!
@ "Great, there are two of them."
                    
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The waterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
demonIt is often very hard to discover what any given Demon looks
like, apart from a general impression of large size, huge
fangs, staring eyes, many limbs, and an odd color; but all
accounts agree that Demons are very powerful, very Magic (in
a nonhuman manner), and made of some substance that can squeeze
through a keyhole yet not be pierced with a Sword. This makes
them difficult to deal with, even on the rare occasions when
they are friendly.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
hits! YeenoghuYeenoghu, the demon lord of gnolls, still exists although
all his followers have been wiped off the face of the earth.
He casts magic projectiles at those close to him, and a mere
gaze into his piercing eyes may hopelessly confuse the
battle-weary adventurer.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
hits!
@ "What wereIn 1573, the Parliament of Dole published a decree, permitting
the inhabitants of the Franche-Comte to pursue and kill a
were-wolf or loup-garou, which infested that province,
"notwithstanding the existing laws concerning the chase."
The people were empowered to "assemble with javelins,
halberds, pikes, arquebuses and clubs, to hunt and pursue the
said were-wolf in all places where they could find it, and to
take, burn, and kill it, without incurring any fine or other
penalty." The hunt seems to have been successful, if we may
judge from the fact that the same tribunal in the following
year condemned to be burned a man named Giles Garnier, who
ran on all fours in the forest and fields and devoured little
children, "even on Friday." The poor lycanthrope, it appears,
had as slight respect for ecclesiastical feasts as the French
pig, which was not restrained by any feeling of piety from
eating infants on a fast day.
        [ The History of Vampires, by Dudley Wright ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
the chances of that happening?"
                    
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YeenoghuYeenoghu, the demon lord of gnolls, still exists although
all his followers have been wiped off the face of the earth.
He casts magic projectiles at those close to him, and a mere
gaze into his piercing eyes may hopelessly confuse the
battle-weary adventurer.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
hurls a bubbly potionPOTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be
potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage,
although even they find it palatable only when suffering
from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it
is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent
ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all
countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the
invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this
general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the
preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific --
and without science we are as the snakes and toads.
        [ The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
! The potionPOTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be
potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage,
although even they find it palatable only when suffering
from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it
is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent
ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all
countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the
invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this
general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the
preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific --
and without science we are as the snakes and toads.
        [ The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
crashes on your head and breaks into shards.
                    
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Something seems to be holding you. The waterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
demonIt is often very hard to discover what any given Demon looks
like, apart from a general impression of large size, huge
fangs, staring eyes, many limbs, and an odd color; but all
accounts agree that Demons are very powerful, very Magic (in
a nonhuman manner), and made of some substance that can squeeze
through a keyhole yet not be pierced with a Sword. This makes
them difficult to deal with, even on the rare occasions when
they are friendly.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
hits! The waterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
demonIt is often very hard to discover what any given Demon looks
like, apart from a general impression of large size, huge
fangs, staring eyes, many limbs, and an odd color; but all
accounts agree that Demons are very powerful, very Magic (in
a nonhuman manner), and made of some substance that can squeeze
through a keyhole yet not be pierced with a Sword. This makes
them difficult to deal with, even on the rare occasions when
they are friendly.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
hits!
                    
   +------------+   
   |............|   
   |............|   
   |.....&&.....|   
   |......@&....+###
   |............|   
   +------------+   
                    
    ------------    
   /    REST    \   
  /      IN      \  
 /     PEACE      \ 
 |     Lucky      | 
 |   Killed by    | 
 |    The RNG,    | 
 | While helpless | 
 +----------------+ 
Goodbye Lucky the WizardEbenezum walked before me along the closest thing we could
find to a path in these overgrown woods. Every few paces he
would pause, so that I, burdened with a pack stuffed with
arcane and heavy paraphernalia, could catch up with his
wizardly strides. He, as usual, carried nothing, preferring,
as he often said, to keep his hands free for quick conjuring
and his mind free for the thoughts of a mage.
        [ A Dealing with Demons, by Craig Shaw Gardner ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
...
You died on dungeon level 3, after 1024 moves.
You wereIn 1573, the Parliament of Dole published a decree, permitting
the inhabitants of the Franche-Comte to pursue and kill a
were-wolf or loup-garou, which infested that province,
"notwithstanding the existing laws concerning the chase."
The people were empowered to "assemble with javelins,
halberds, pikes, arquebuses and clubs, to hunt and pursue the
said were-wolf in all places where they could find it, and to
take, burn, and kill it, without incurring any fine or other
penalty." The hunt seems to have been successful, if we may
judge from the fact that the same tribunal in the following
year condemned to be burned a man named Giles Garnier, who
ran on all fours in the forest and fields and devoured little
children, "even on Friday." The poor lycanthrope, it appears,
had as slight respect for ecclesiastical feasts as the French
pig, which was not restrained by any feeling of piety from
eating infants on a fast day.
        [ The History of Vampires, by Dudley Wright ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
level 2.


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Rating

22530
Average rating: Fair
Number of ratings: 12

Comments

G December 22, 2008 01:06
First comment: 5 October, 2005 82 comments written
DemogorgonDemogorgon, the prince of demons, wallows in filth and can
spread a quickly fatal illness to his victims while rending
them. He is a mighty spellcaster, and he can drain the life
of mortals with a touch of his tail.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
should have been summoned by someone.
Wellan December 22, 2008 02:08
First comment: 27 November, 2007 247 comments written
Not amazingly funny, but the "lucky" crack was amusing. F.
yichizhng@gmail.com December 22, 2008 02:23
First comment: 19 November, 2008 12 comments written
My problems with this:

1) This is Dudley's Dungeon. Who's Lucky?
2) Gravestone is messed up
3) Where's the humor? FountainRest! This little Fountain runs
Thus for aye: -- It never stays
For the look of summer suns,
Nor the cold of winter days.
Whose'er shall wander near,
When the Syrian heat is worst,
Let him hither come, nor fear
Lest he may not slake his thirst:
He will find this little river
Running still, as bright as ever.
Let him drink, and onward hie,
Bearing but in thought, that I,
Erotas, bade the Naiad fall,
And thank the great god Pan for all!
        [ For a Fountain, by Bryan Waller Procter ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
scumming isn't funny, neither is getting killed by YeenoghuYeenoghu, the demon lord of gnolls, still exists although
all his followers have been wiped off the face of the earth.
He casts magic projectiles at those close to him, and a mere
gaze into his piercing eyes may hopelessly confuse the
battle-weary adventurer.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
.
4) Speaking of YeenoghuYeenoghu, the demon lord of gnolls, still exists although
all his followers have been wiped off the face of the earth.
He casts magic projectiles at those close to him, and a mere
gaze into his piercing eyes may hopelessly confuse the
battle-weary adventurer.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
, since when did he throw potions?
5) Panel 1->No, that's not a fountainRest! This little Fountain runs
Thus for aye: -- It never stays
For the look of summer suns,
Nor the cold of winter days.
Whose'er shall wander near,
When the Syrian heat is worst,
Let him hither come, nor fear
Lest he may not slake his thirst:
He will find this little river
Running still, as bright as ever.
Let him drink, and onward hie,
Bearing but in thought, that I,
Erotas, bade the Naiad fall,
And thank the great god Pan for all!
        [ For a Fountain, by Bryan Waller Procter ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. A FountainRest! This little Fountain runs
Thus for aye: -- It never stays
For the look of summer suns,
Nor the cold of winter days.
Whose'er shall wander near,
When the Syrian heat is worst,
Let him hither come, nor fear
Lest he may not slake his thirst:
He will find this little river
Running still, as bright as ever.
Let him drink, and onward hie,
Bearing but in thought, that I,
Erotas, bade the Naiad fall,
And thank the great god Pan for all!
        [ For a Fountain, by Bryan Waller Procter ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
is {.
Mantar December 22, 2008 05:30
First comment: 17 June, 2004 197 comments written
And the moral, as usual, is: don't mess with fountains until you're well-equipped to deal with the negative effects.
Armv December 22, 2008 07:18
First comment: 5 October, 2006 28 comments written
You know what I haven't done in a while? Make a comic. This gives me an idea-er.
TJR December 22, 2008 12:56
First comment: 8 February, 2008 26 comments written
Fountains aren't quite as unsafe as everybody tends to think as long as you are fast and can teleport (snakes, waterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
demonIt is often very hard to discover what any given Demon looks
like, apart from a general impression of large size, huge
fangs, staring eyes, many limbs, and an odd color; but all
accounts agree that Demons are very powerful, very Magic (in
a nonhuman manner), and made of some substance that can squeeze
through a keyhole yet not be pierced with a Sword. This makes
them difficult to deal with, even on the rare occasions when
they are friendly.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
), can get rid of cursed armor, carry junk (nymphA female creature from Roman and Greek mythology, the nymph
occupied rivers, forests, ponds, etc. A nymph's beauty is
beyond words: an ever-young woman with sleek figure and
long, thick hair, radiant skin and perfect teeth, full lips
and gentle eyes. A nymph's scent is delightful, and her
long robe glows, hemmed with golden threads and embroidered
with rainbow hues of unearthly magnificence. A nymph's
demeanour is graceful and charming, her mind quick and witty.

"Theseus felt her voice pulling him down into fathoms of
sleep.        The song was the skeleton of his dream, and the dream
was full of terror. Demon girls were after him, and a bull-
man was goring him. Everywhere there was blood. There was
pain. There was fear.        But his head was in the nymph's lap
and her musk was about him, her voice weaving the dream. He
knew then that she had been sent to tell him of something
dreadful that was to happen to him later. Her song was a
warning. But she had brought him a new kind of joy, one that
made him see everything differently. The boy, who was to
become a hero, suddenly knew then what most heroes learn
later -- and some too late -- that joy blots suffering and
that the road to nymphs is beset by monsters."
[ The Minotaur by Bernard Evslin ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
) and - most important - have used Elbereth... Even as they stepped over the threshold a single clear
voice rose in song.

        A Elbereth Gilthoniel,
        silivren penna miriel
        o menel aglar elenath!
        Na-chaered palan-diriel
        o galadhremmin ennorath,
        Fanuilos, le linnathon
        nef aear, si nef aearon!

Frodo halted for a moment, looking back. Elrond was in his
chair and the fire was on his face like summer-light upon the
trees. Near him sat the Lady Arwen. [...]
He stood still enchanted, while the sweet syllables of the
elvish song fell like clear jewels of blended word and melody.
"It is a song to Elbereth," said Bilbo. "They will sing that,
and other songs of the Blessed Realm, many times tonight.
Come on!"
[ The Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R. Tolkien ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
to lock off the fountainRest! This little Fountain runs
Thus for aye: -- It never stays
For the look of summer suns,
Nor the cold of winter days.
Whose'er shall wander near,
When the Syrian heat is worst,
Let him hither come, nor fear
Lest he may not slake his thirst:
He will find this little river
Running still, as bright as ever.
Let him drink, and onward hie,
Bearing but in thought, that I,
Erotas, bade the Naiad fall,
And thank the great god Pan for all!
        [ For a Fountain, by Bryan Waller Procter ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
.
On the other hand, there is not that much to be gained. You can alchemize gain ability, the wish is exceedingly rare, and digging down on it will make dipping safe.
TJR December 22, 2008 12:58
First comment: 8 February, 2008 26 comments written
Oh, and you can make unholy waterDay after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
        [ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor
         Coleridge ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
using a fountainRest! This little Fountain runs
Thus for aye: -- It never stays
For the look of summer suns,
Nor the cold of winter days.
Whose'er shall wander near,
When the Syrian heat is worst,
Let him hither come, nor fear
Lest he may not slake his thirst:
He will find this little river
Running still, as bright as ever.
Let him drink, and onward hie,
Bearing but in thought, that I,
Erotas, bade the Naiad fall,
And thank the great god Pan for all!
        [ For a Fountain, by Bryan Waller Procter ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. Carry junk.
Mantar December 22, 2008 18:10
First comment: 17 June, 2004 197 comments written
"fast, can teleport and can get rid of cursed armor" -- that's what I said. Don't mess with them until you can deal with the bad effects.
Slowpoke December 22, 2008 20:36
First comment: 27 February, 2007 239 comments written
In fairness, Lucky survived until the eighth hit by various demons, as only a level 2 character. That's well against the odds, innit?
gneek December 22, 2008 21:10
First comment: 18 January, 2008 159 comments written
Flawed and not funny.
Antheridium December 23, 2008 04:08
First comment: 17 May, 2007 442 comments written
At least it's a comic. And a far-too-believable comic, at that.
Newtkiller December 23, 2008 05:00
First comment: 28 October, 2008 127 comments written
Died inly after being hit by YeenoghuYeenoghu, the demon lord of gnolls, still exists although
all his followers have been wiped off the face of the earth.
He casts magic projectiles at those close to him, and a mere
gaze into his piercing eyes may hopelessly confuse the
battle-weary adventurer.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.
. Could have been funnier (What about demorgogon?) but still quite nice. G.

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