Dudley's dungeon

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Thursday, 11 May, 2006 by Grey Knight
Your housecat bites 
the orcOrcs, bipeds with a humanoid appearance, are related to the
goblins, but much bigger and more dangerous.  The average orc
is only moderately intelligent, has broad, muscled shoulders,
a short neck, a sloping forehead and a thick, dark fur.
Their lower eye-teeth are pointing forward, like a boar's.
Female orcs are more lightly built and bare-chested.  Not
needing any clothing, they do like to dress in variegated
apparels.  Suspicious by nature, orcs live in tribes or
hordes.  They tend to live underground as well as above
ground (but they dislike sunlight).  Orcs can use all weapons,
tools and armours that are used by men.  Since they don't have
the talent to fashion these themselves, they are constantly
hunting for them.  There is nothing a horde of orcs cannot
use.
        [ het Boek van de Regels; Het Oog des Meesters ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details. shaman.     
    ----------      
    |........|      
####f.)..@.%.|      
    |o......_|      
    |........+      
    ----------
@ "So, being a chaotic orcish barbarianThey dressed alike -- in buckskin boots, leathern breeks and
deerskin shirts, with broad girdles that held axes and short
swords; and they were all gaunt and scarred and hard-eyed;
sinewy and taciturn.
They were wild men, of a sort, yet there was still a wide
gulf between them and the Cimmerian. They were sons of
civilization, reverted to a semi-barbarism. He was a
barbarian of a thousand generations of barbarians. They had
acquired stealth and craft, but he had been born to these
things. He excelled them even in lithe economy of motion.
They were wolves, but he was a tiger.
        [ Conan - The Warrior, by Robert E. Howard ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. seems to be working out pretty well." 
                    
                    
    ----------      
    |........|      
####-.)...@%.|      
    |f......_|      
    |..o.....+      
    ----------
@ "I can eat a whole bunch of stuff I normally couldn't. Take this tin"You know salmon, Sarge," said Nobby.
"It is a fish of which I am aware, yes."
"You know they sell kind of slices of it in tins..."
"So I am given to understand, yes."
"Weell...how come all the tins are the same size? Salmon
gets thinner at both ends."
"Interesting point, Nobby. I think-"
        [ Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details., for example." 
You consume boiled  
kittenWell-known quadruped domestic animal from the family of
predatory felines (_Felis ochreata domestica_), with a thick,
soft pelt; often kept as a pet.  Various folklores have the
cat associated with magic and the gods of ancient Egypt.

So Ulthar went to sleep in vain anger; and when the people
awakened at dawn - behold!  Every cat was back at his
accustomed hearth!  Large and small, black, grey, striped,
yellow and white, none was missing.  Very sleek and fat did
the cats appear, and sonorous with purring content.
        [ The Cats of Ulthar, by H.P. Lovecraft ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details..             
    ----------      
    |........|      
####-.).o..@.|      
    |......._|      
    |.f......+      
    ----------
@ "Note the lack of negative side-effects!" 
                    
                    
    ----------      
    |........|      
####-.)..o...|      
    |..f...@_|      
    |........+      
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@ "Having orcs and goblins be generated peaceful has its benefits." 
                    
                    
    ----------      
    |........|      
####h.)......|      
    |...f.o@_|      
    |........+      
    ----------
@ "Take this orcOrcs, bipeds with a humanoid appearance, are related to the
goblins, but much bigger and more dangerous. The average orc
is only moderately intelligent, has broad, muscled shoulders,
a short neck, a sloping forehead and a thick, dark fur.
Their lower eye-teeth are pointing forward, like a boar's.
Female orcs are more lightly built and bare-chested. Not
needing any clothing, they do like to dress in variegated
apparels. Suspicious by nature, orcs live in tribes or
hordes. They tend to live underground as well as above
ground (but they dislike sunlight). Orcs can use all weapons,
tools and armours that are used by men. Since they don't have
the talent to fashion these themselves, they are constantly
hunting for them. There is nothing a horde of orcs cannot
use.
        [ het Boek van de Regels; Het Oog des Meesters ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. shaman, for instance." 
The orcOrcs, bipeds with a humanoid appearance, are related to the
goblins, but much bigger and more dangerous.  The average orc
is only moderately intelligent, has broad, muscled shoulders,
a short neck, a sloping forehead and a thick, dark fur.
Their lower eye-teeth are pointing forward, like a boar's.
Female orcs are more lightly built and bare-chested.  Not
needing any clothing, they do like to dress in variegated
apparels.  Suspicious by nature, orcs live in tribes or
hordes.  They tend to live underground as well as above
ground (but they dislike sunlight).  Orcs can use all weapons,
tools and armours that are used by men.  Since they don't have
the talent to fashion these themselves, they are constantly
hunting for them.  There is nothing a horde of orcs cannot
use.
        [ het Boek van de Regels; Het Oog des Meesters ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details. shaman      
grunts.             
    ----------      
    |........|      
####-h)....f.|      
    |.......o|      
    |......@.+      
    ----------
@ "And a good afternoon to you too, friend orcOrcs, bipeds with a humanoid appearance, are related to the
goblins, but much bigger and more dangerous. The average orc
is only moderately intelligent, has broad, muscled shoulders,
a short neck, a sloping forehead and a thick, dark fur.
Their lower eye-teeth are pointing forward, like a boar's.
Female orcs are more lightly built and bare-chested. Not
needing any clothing, they do like to dress in variegated
apparels. Suspicious by nature, orcs live in tribes or
hordes. They tend to live underground as well as above
ground (but they dislike sunlight). Orcs can use all weapons,
tools and armours that are used by men. Since they don't have
the talent to fashion these themselves, they are constantly
hunting for them. There is nothing a horde of orcs cannot
use.
        [ het Boek van de Regels; Het Oog des Meesters ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.!" 
Your housecat kills 
the orcOrcs, bipeds with a humanoid appearance, are related to the
goblins, but much bigger and more dangerous.  The average orc
is only moderately intelligent, has broad, muscled shoulders,
a short neck, a sloping forehead and a thick, dark fur.
Their lower eye-teeth are pointing forward, like a boar's.
Female orcs are more lightly built and bare-chested.  Not
needing any clothing, they do like to dress in variegated
apparels.  Suspicious by nature, orcs live in tribes or
hordes.  They tend to live underground as well as above
ground (but they dislike sunlight).  Orcs can use all weapons,
tools and armours that are used by men.  Since they don't have
the talent to fashion these themselves, they are constantly
hunting for them.  There is nothing a horde of orcs cannot
use.
        [ het Boek van de Regels; Het Oog des Meesters ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details. shaman!     
    ----------      
    |........|      
####-.)....f.|      
    |h......%|      
    |......@.+      
    ----------
@ "And of course, since I'm chaotic, I can sacrifice my own race to amusing effect." 
                    
                    
    ----------      
    |........|      
####-.)....f.|      
    |.h.....%|      
    |......@.+      
    ----------
@ "Take this orcOrcs, bipeds with a humanoid appearance, are related to the
goblins, but much bigger and more dangerous. The average orc
is only moderately intelligent, has broad, muscled shoulders,
a short neck, a sloping forehead and a thick, dark fur.
Their lower eye-teeth are pointing forward, like a boar's.
Female orcs are more lightly built and bare-chested. Not
needing any clothing, they do like to dress in variegated
apparels. Suspicious by nature, orcs live in tribes or
hordes. They tend to live underground as well as above
ground (but they dislike sunlight). Orcs can use all weapons,
tools and armours that are used by men. Since they don't have
the talent to fashion these themselves, they are constantly
hunting for them. There is nothing a horde of orcs cannot
use.
        [ het Boek van de Regels; Het Oog des Meesters ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. shaman corpse, for example." 
You have summoned a 
peaceful pit fiendPit fiends are among the more powerful of devils, capable of
attacking twice with weapons as well as grabbing and crushing
the life out of those unwary enough to enter their
domains.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details.! 
    ----------      
    |........|      
####-.)....f.|      
    |..h....@|      
    |.......&+      
    ----------
@ "Think I'll call him 'Fluffy Wumpkins'..." 
Fluffy Wumpkins     
snarls.             
    ----------      
    |.......f|      
####-.)......|      
    |...h..@_|      
    |......&.+      
    ----------
@ "And, of course, being a barbarianThey dressed alike -- in buckskin boots, leathern breeks and
deerskin shirts, with broad girdles that held axes and short
swords; and they were all gaunt and scarred and hard-eyed;
sinewy and taciturn.
They were wild men, of a sort, yet there was still a wide
gulf between them and the Cimmerian. They were sons of
civilization, reverted to a semi-barbarism. He was a
barbarian of a thousand generations of barbarians. They had
acquired stealth and craft, but he had been born to these
things. He excelled them even in lithe economy of motion.
They were wolves, but he was a tiger.
        [ Conan - The Warrior, by Robert E. Howard ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. means that I can whack on things very effectively." 
                    
                    
    ----------      
    |......f.|      
####-.)......|      
    |...h..@_|      
    |......&.+      
    ----------
@ "Take this dwarfDwarfs have faces like men (ugly men, with wrinkled, leathery
skins), but are generally either flat-footed, duck-footed, or
have feet pointing backwards. They are of the earth, earthy,
living in the darkest of caverns and venturing forth only
with the cloaks by which they can make themselves invisible,
and others disguised as toads. Miners often come across them,
and sometimes establish reasonably close relations with them.
... The miners of Cornwall were always delighted to hear a
bucca busily mining away, for all dwarfs have an infallible
nose for precious metals.
Among other things, dwarfs are rightly valued for their skill
as blacksmiths and jewellers: they made Odin his famous spear
Gungnir, and Thor his hammer; for Freya they designed a
magnificent necklace, and for Frey a golden boar. And in their
spare time they are excellent bakers. Ironically, despite
their odd feet, they are particularly fond of dancing. They
can also see into the future, and consequently are excellent
meteorologists. They can be free with presents to people
they like, and a dwarvish gift is likely to turn to gold in
the hand. But on the whole they are a snappish lot.
[ The Immortals, by Derek and Julia Parker ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. king, for instance." 
You miss the master 
mind flayerThis creature has a humanoid body, tentacles around its
covered mouth, and three long fingers on each hand.  Mind
flayers are telepathic, and love to devour intelligent beings,
especially humans.  If they hit their victim with a tentacle,
the mind flayer will slowly drain it of all intelligence,
eventually killing its victim.

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed.  See license for details..        
    ----------      
    |.....f..|      
####-.)......|      
    |....h@._|      
    |......&.+      
    ----------
http://dudley.nicolaas.net

http://dudley.nicolaas.net
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Rating

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Average rating: Good
Number of ratings: 21

Comments

rpresser May 11, 2006 00:04
First comment: 6 October, 2005 51 comments written
End of intelligent lecture...
Nameless May 11, 2006 01:33
First comment: 29 December, 2004 281 comments written
See it's funny AND educational too. :-)
L May 11, 2006 06:31
First comment: 10 February, 2005 285 comments written
Dudley ought to play with the showrace option.

Personally I thought today's punchline was a bit out of left field - with all that lead-up, I expected a payoff that had at least something to do with orcish barbarianhood. You wimped out, Grey KnightHere lies the noble fearless knight,
Whose valour rose to such a height;
When Death at last had struck him down,
His was the victory and renown.
He reck'd the world of little prize,
And was a bugbear in men's eyes;
But had the fortune in his age
To live a fool and die a sage.
        [ Don Quixote of La Mancha by Miquel de
         Cervantes Saavedra ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details.!
  May 11, 2006 07:49
First comment: 1 April, 2004 431 comments written
That once happened to me. After that, I've always double-checked every single purple h.
Nameless May 11, 2006 10:46
First comment: 29 December, 2004 281 comments written
It does have something to do with the orcish barbarianhood - orcish barbarians have rather low int/wis.
Luos May 11, 2006 12:11
First comment: 13 November, 2005 29 comments written
It made me smile, anyway. Not laugh, but smile yes!
Mr. DOS May 12, 2006 00:15
First comment: 10 January, 2006 40 comments written
I smiled too, although that's pretty good for me... but I think it should've had newts in there somewhere. (Yes, I have an infatuation with newts ;) )

--- Mr. DOS
Fathead July 21, 2006 23:48
First comment: 1 April, 2006 1136 comments written
I tend to be warned in advance, anyway. But hey.

Mr Grey, you forgot the (mild) curseCurses are longstanding ill-wishings which, in Fantasyland,
often manifest as semisentient. They have to be broken or
dispelled. The method varies according to the type and
origin of the Curse:
[...]
4. Curses on Rings and Swords. You have problems. Rings
have to be returned whence they came, preferably at over a
thousand degrees Fahrenheit, and the Curse means you won't
want to do this. Swords usually resist all attempts to
raise their Curses. Your best source is to hide the Sword
or give it to someone you dislike.
[ The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, by Diana Wynne Jones ]

Copyright (c) 1994, 1995, 1996 by the NetHack Development Team
Copyright (c) 1994 by Boudewijn Wayers
NetHack may be freely redistributed. See license for details. for Dudley!
Grognor April 18, 2007 23:02
First comment: 4 April, 2007 1161 comments written
Yes.
590 3220
http://dudley.nicolaas.net
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